Wax On Wax Off, Date's On Date's Off
Sunday night was the first date with TheNickName. On Monday we text, on Tuesday we text though not feeling great, on Wednesday he's definitely sick and on Thursday he texts to say that he's too sick to go out. Which I get, in theory. Though I'll be honest that his text message kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It was much less--so sorry for having to cancel on you--and much more--I hope I'm not still sick and have to miss my work holiday party.
As disappointed as I am that the date is off, of course I understand. But I'll admit I'm PMeSsy and irritated that he's not more apologetic. But again, I'm not insane. I know we barely know each other and sick is sick not much you can do about it. So I remain optimistic and don't let any of my crankiness shine through. Feel better soon, I say.
Date's On. The weekend comes and goes and he attends his work christmas party like a champ. And perhaps he's feeling better simply out of excitement or optimism or perhaps he's one of those lucky people who if they can get enough rest are feeling tip top within a day or two. I can barely understand this concept since I'm usually sick for weeks at a time, but there ya go. Who am I to question optimism and health right? He suggests we hang out Sunday night but I can't because I have an exam on Monday morning and so he suggests Monday night. I agree and it's on.
The morning of my exam, I get a super cute text from him wishing me good luck and saying that I would definitely kill it and to call hi when I'm done.
After my exam, I call him and of course, he is sick again (or still), whatever. Back to square one, the date is cancelled.
I'll be honest that normally two cancellations, sick or not, in a row without some huge ass apology would've been enough for me to drop out of the race. I can practically hear you screaming DITCH HIM! DITCH HIM! across the internet. But the thing is that on that first date, we'd had a really good time. And after the date, he'd texted so much about how gorgeous I was and how much he enjoyed talking to me that I was definitely high off my own supply. And then to make things even that much more clear (read: make my ego that much more inflated), prior to all the cancelling, he'd told me about how he'd been out to lunch with friends and it was clear that he'd been bragging about me as his "hot young thing" which tbh at 29 feels like a whole ass compliment and so when you're judging me for still talking to TheNickName after he'd cancelled twice (admittedly for being sick), that it's hard to say no when someone is reflecting such a shining image of yourself back at you.
And in the beaming light of his compliments, I was electric. But as I write this now, it all feels so cheap and easy--compliments cost a man nothing and yet here I was reimbursing him like a Rockefeller.
For a few days, I played it all very aloof (read: I didn't text), until I did:
How are you feeling?
I'm good to go! Lol. Funny just left UBC and thought about you, How's Victoria?
I say something about being awesome and just busy with my final exams. I ask if he's healthy again and he responds that he is but he has his daughter this weekend. He asks if we can hang out after I'm done with school after Tuesday.
Truthfully, I don't really want to wait another week to hang out (it's already been almost 2 weeks since our first date). This issue is clearly a sensitive one for me, after all isn't this what happened with Garbage Man? Instead of acquiescing, I ask:
What about tonight or tomorrow night? Because if not it'll be another week before I'll be free again.
I'm at this customer function, then tomorrow xmas/retirement part for a guy I used to work with. The xmas/mid term season is too busy to start dating someone lol.
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to respond. Is he making a commentary on busy schedules? Is this the blow off? Is he actually busy (and me too)? Is he just not that into me and this is the kiss off? Is he just an idiot? So I respond with the only response I can think that of:
I mean shit, it's not like I can argue with him. He sends another text:
Don't be mad, its obvious we are, have been, both crazy busy this month. And I was sick too, didn't help.
I say: I'm not mad. All I said was Ok. Was there another response you had been hoping for?
Nope. He says Just checking, making sure the "ok" wasn't dismissive. It'll happen! Later.
And I can't help but think, I'm no longer so sure I want it to. But I have exams to study for and a life to live, so I turn my ringer off and get back to work. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. I wasn't totally sure I cared one way or the other anymore.
*originally published 28/12/2010