• Victoria Nachos

Rip the Bandaid: How to Deal with Getting Rejected or Rejecting Someone

So TheNickName and I had had our 2nd Date where I'd been the dirty slut sexy vixen you all know and love me to be and it was okay. Let's be honest and call a spade a spade, the kissing and fooling around was fun for sure, but like the second it was over, things started to feel weird (with him, not from my side).


We were laying there cuddling (or more accurately, I was laying on my stomach and he was beside me, not sure how much cuddling was actually happening). And this sounds super pathetic, but I could feel that he wanted me to leave, that he wanted to go to sleep, and it irritated the fuck out of me (though I didn't show it). I did, however, get up and get dressed ready to leave. He walked me to the door and talked about our date for the coming Wednesday and that was it.

He didn't walk me to my car (which given that it was late, and dark, and fucking New Westminster), which honestly I wouldn't have even thought about earlier in my dating career, and I definitely wouldn't have expected it. Sure on the first date maybe, but after that? Not really. Sure, walk me to the door and seal it with a kiss? Definitely, but not put on your shoes and walk me out to the car. But the thing is, I'm not a young twenty something anymore and I'm definitely not dating that age range, these men are all damn near 40 and they know what's up. They know what being a gentleman means and not feeling the desire/compulsion to walk me to my car after humming in my hair seemed like a bad sign.


That I promptly ignored by texting him the next day. 4:00pm

Me: Hey :) How's your day going?


Him: Humming along!  And yours?


Me: Great! lots of catching up with friends and then just getting ready for Seattle/McChord AFB tomorrow.


Radio Silence. 6:45pm Me: You around?

7:29pm Him: I'm at my buddies for dinner and the game.  Call you later!

Me: Sounds good.

10:18pm

Me: Hey cutie just a heads up I'm going to bed pretty soon, getting up at 6am tomorrow :)


I know this seems a tad crazy but my cell phone doesn't work in the states, which is where I was planning to be for the next 24 hours and he didn't yet know that. So, while I realize this seems like really overzealous texting, I had wanted to talk to him before I went so I could let him know I'd be out of touch. Plus, honestly, if he liked me it wouldn't seem overzealous and if he didn't this wouldn't change that so what did I care?


Radio Silence. The next day I wake up with bells on and head down to Seattle for a great time. When I arrive home on the morning of the 28th, I turn my cell phone back on expecting it to blow up with hey! and hello! and perhaps even an are you ignoring me?!?!


Radio Silence. Later that day he finally texts:


How is or was Seattle?  I have to bail on tomorrow, I'm going out of town tomorrow after work for the weekend! Sorry!

I message back: Okay...do you have time to talk?

Seemingly pathetic, I know, but in my defense, I wasn't about to waste anymore time trying to decipher whether or not he liked me. In hindsight, it's clear, but in the moment, it was hard to mesh the man I'd had two good dates with who texted me near constantly and was always interested in everything I had to say and this guy, bailing on me.


I'm at a buddies, watching the Canada game. I will try to call you after its over!


It was clear we were done but I'm a sucker for closure.


No worries.

Hours later when he still hadn't called and I wanted to go to bed, I messaged one more time: Really hope you get a chance to call before you leave town cause I'm feeling pretty weird about you cancelling again and we seem to be better on the phone.

The next morning I received the following garbled text message from him: Easy to say, especially when you  care for someone.  Then as I  delayed it, it became harder and  harder to call.  I'm spending. UGH! What the actual fuck! Obviously this was only part of the message and my fucked up cell phone (service) was ruining my damn life. I texted him all that I'd received from him and he called instead.

The gist of what he says was this:

He thinks I'm awesome. There's just something missing. Like chemistry I ask? But he can't describe it He doesn't know what he wants blah blah blah He wants to be friends. I should give him a call.... Blah blah blah, he dumped me. We chat a bit more and he asks what I'm doing for NYE. I tell him that Mega Love (I don't call him that on the call though) is coming up and we're going to spend it together. I thank him for telling me the truth (finally!) and we say goodbye.


Almost as soon as I hang up, my phone blows up with all the mixed text messages (out of order but I'm able to piece it back to gather pretty easily).


It reads: Sorry for being so distant. I'm just not feeling it and don't want waste your time, plus go any further physically. I should have called but it's not that easy to say, especially when you care for someone. Then as I delayed it, it became harder and harder to call.  I'm spending the day with DaughtersName, and leaving town later on today. Take care! Ouch.


What can you do, amirite?! Exit stage left lol.



*originally published 16/01/2011

 

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