• Victoria Nachos

Dating Advice: Is My Profile Too Honest?

Updated: Nov 2

Sometimes in order to write a really great online dating profile, you have to first think of what makes for a terrible dating profile. In an effort to help you write a great dating profile, I tried writing a brutally honest one. From there, I looked at which parts were actually funny, which parts came across as lame, and which parts should be locked in the basement and never heard from again. With that said, please enjoy my totally blunt and all too honest dating profile here:


Motto: "As Much Fun as a Tank of Helium and a Video Camera"


I'm a: Woman looking for a Man

Interested in: 2 month bonus relationship


Dossier

Oh. Hello. I'm a woman looking for a man and am mainly interested in a 2 month bonus relationship. I won't give you my exact age, but let's just say I am cocaine 80's. As far as height goes I'm medium and plain, but at least my body type is big and beautiful. (Well, that's my perception, which is obviously warped. In reality I'm obese). My hair color is natural, but probably needs highlights, and as far as tattoos I have none because i'm a pussy. You want to know about my profession, specifically how much money I make? Well, let's just say I am deep in debt.


Why you damn well better not date me

I operate on a strict system of rules for behavior, and if you don't intuitively know what they are and act accordingly, I will consider you a fool and move on. I'm judgemental yet forthcoming so you're likely to hear all about the things I dislike about you.


What kind of doomed relationship I'm looking for

I secretly don't have a heart so don't be surprised if I accidentally break yours, it's not my fault, I don't have practice in handling them. But I'm a dynamo in the sack and have soft juicy lips so it's likely you'll be a tortured soul after we break up.


I am much more sexy in person

Love is for suckers

Anti-relationship weapon of choice Projection extreme

How I blew my last relationship I wanted to get married.

My relationship nadir (lowest point) I wanted to get married

Best excuse I used to get out of a relationship I can't marry you, I'm going to vegas.


*originally published on 09/05/2010


 

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