Dating Advice: Is It Okay To Date Multiple People?
Is it okay to date multiple people at the same time? Of course it is! Dating is literally the act of going on dates to get to know different people in order to form connections and find out if you're a good match.
In all honesty, I think most of the issues surrounding this topic stem from at what point people describe what they're doing as "dating." For the purposes of this blog (and my entire life), I define dating in the loosest of terms and intentions.
Dating is simply the act of going on dates (for fun, for the purpose of seeking a relationship, hoping to end up in marriage, or for any other reason all being irrelvant). Dating doesn't imply commitment nor monogamy and has little expectation to it aside from just being open and honest.
So then, is it ethical to date more than one person at a time? Absolutely! If I'm being honest, I'm actually super jealous of anyone who can even find multiple people (whose company they enjoy and whose availability meets their own) to date at the same time. I've rarely, if ever, found myself in the situation but nonetheless I firmly believe dating multiple people at the same time is completely ethical.
Things only get dicey when not everyone is on the same page and/or one or more of the parties is dishonest with each other (not to be confused with simply not overtly disclosing something).
For example, do I think you should shout out all the people you're currently dating with someone on the first date? Absolutely not! But, if someone asks you if you think exclusivity is implied by the third date and you do not believe this, you should absolutely be honest and tell them. And that's really it--be honest, be authentic, and get your date on (I know I'm trying to!)
And with all that said, I'd like to introduce you to the men currently applying to date me (jk it's more of a vague interest as we see if there's enough of a connection to take things offline and do this date thing).
The Stats: 5'9 -- 31 -- good user name
The story so far: We messaged on plenty of fish and then we moved to texting where there was real genuine giggles. Unfortunately, his location wasn't too stable (he's currently working up at Whistler doing surveillance stuff for the olympics and only came back to Vancouver every so often and even then he's planning a move to Squamish permanently). We say our "too bads" and "adioses" via text, and I expect our chance for dating to be done. Except, he reappeared in my messages when I rejoined POF for the summer by messaging something cute like he's still wondering if we should have gotten together over some wine.
The Pros: He was funny, he was witty, he was sarcastic, and did I mention that he has the body of an athlete? He's in the military which I begrudgingly admit I find hot and he's already texted this morning with witty banter.
The Cons: He's only 5'9 (and you know how I feel about short guys). However, he's super buff which potentially makes up for any issues of feeling like the bigger person. He lives in Squamish, but honestly for some good dating and some good loving I'm fine with an occasional killing of the ozone (his, not mine).
How things stand at the moment: We've texted a couple times this morning and then after I said something it was like...silence...fucking Garbage Man all over again. No worries. I didn't really care so I just carried on with my day. Got a message later saying "sorry..fell asleep" (his day off guess he was lounging lol!). I text no worries. He texts Sorry talk later? I'm just heading out for a run. So we'll see what happens.
The Stats: 6'0 -- 28 -- don't get his user name (could be spelling error? could be something I've never heard of? who knows)
The story so far: Messaged me through Plenty of fish. Nothing much else to tell--he seems like a nice guy but no real chuckles.
The Pros: He's tall and his pics look really good though they're all face shots with a webcam so it seems a bit of a crapshoot. He knows what he wants out of life and has a plan to get it.
The Cons: He seems a bit trodden down and by that I mean he's clearly got baggage from having gotten married too young and having it not work out, but that's to be expected I guess.
How things stand at the moment: Everything was going great until he messaged me on POF saying that we should chat on the phone but I was busy last night so I said to call today and then it gets a bit weird. He asks, what time? and I'm like anytime I guess. I said if he wanted a long call to call my cell and I would call back from my restricted home number but if he just wanted a quick chat my cell would be fine. We're still working on the logistics but honestly it shouldn't be this complicated. He seems a bit too timid for me.
Slow (and Steady?)
The Stats 6'2 -- 26 -- cheesy user name
The story so far: He messaged me first on POF. He's the first Black guy since Mega Love that I've even remotely been attracted to (case in point for how easily attraction can change and also how deeply entrenched attraction and personality are for me). We started talking just before the vegas trip.
The Pros: He has an MBA (for those keeping score this might actually be THE FIRST person I've even talked to on POF with some higher education...hooray!). Though he did attempt to explain what an MBA was to me (as if there are people who don't know...yikes!). He's got a great smile, he seems fairly intelligent, and just a nice guy, but unfortunately no hearty chuckles.
The Cons: (See: no hearty chuckles above), plus honestly he's a bit of a slow mover. We've been talking for over 2 weeks now and I still think were not headed straight for a date asap. Not a huge fan of slow and steady wins the race because I'm more of a gimme gimme gimme type person. Also, I often ask about people's past experiences on POF (because it seems that's what all the men do and I figure if they ask then they must want us to ask them) but honestly I want the responses to be vague (ballparks not specifics). I just want to know that I'm not your first first date on the site etc. He however, mentioned that he met and dated a girl from POF and said that Courtney and him would still be together if she hadn't moved to Toronto and he doesn't do long distance. Weird eh? Not only do I not want to know that "location" was all that broke them up but do I really need her name...ick...but we'll see lol!
How things stand at the moment: He's pretty fucking hot, so I'm going to let the whole Courtney thing slide and see what comes of it. When I say buff I mean the dude is buff, plus, if it turns out the MBA is not bullshit (who knows these days) then frankly I'd love a conversation that involved being able to talk about experiences of higher education.
Finally, I just want to say that of all the men who didn't make it into this week's cut of potential daters, there is one extra bizarre person messaging me--an 18 year old who has messaged me no less than twice! I mean, he's not even legal to drink in Canada!!! He could potentially still even be in a high school (vomits a bit) gross! Anyway, his parents can thank my moral compass for the purity of their son. It's a tough job being such a saint but someone's got to do it.
*originally published 07/05/2010